Wednesday, December 31, 2014
Good Bye 2014, Hello 2015.
4 minutes to a new year.
Good bye 2014.
How time flies. 2014 is coming to an end. It's hard to believe that another year is ending... and as always, I don't think I'm prepared for it. Ohwell. Time waits for no one ne. It's okay, we will keep on moving.
----> Dah dengar dah bunyi mercun. Happy New Year 2015~!
Let's review how my 2014 goes.
Personally, 2014 has been a good year for me. If to compare to 2013, perhaps 2014 is much better in many ways.
2013 would be the year where I am thrown into a new world (read: working world), get lost into it, panicking over small matters, fall in love and get heartbroken (again), lost a dear cousin of mine, get worried over marriage stuffs a lil bit too much and more. Obviously there were happy moments in 2013 but the mood was kind of "dark" as well. Perhaps we should call it, "Zaman Kejatuhan" of some sort.
2014 would be the year where I see some light at the end of the tunnel. Which gave me a small courage to start moving forward, to grow and to learn a lot of new things. A year where i think my self-confidence is improving nicely, albeit slowly (both in how i feel about myself and how i'm able to portray myself to others). There are still room for improvement though. A year where I feel I am more open to challenges and took that small steps in accepting them. (In 2013, I would say no to it and shut that door closed almost immediately.)
If you ask me in 2013, do I want to be a Drilling Engineer? I would answer you with a yes no maybe. But in 2014, I am able to answer you with a "Yes, I would like to be a Drilling Engineer." In 2013, I'm pretty much lost and confused when it comes to my career path. In 2014, I think I can see that tiny light and I'm going there right at this moment. I feel that I'm enjoying my work now than before. When it gets busy, as much as I may get a lil bit of stress, I can pretty much say I'm liking it still. But when I'm jobless (read: do not have any specific job / task), i get bored easily and i get really stressed out.
The 2nd half of 2014 has been the year where my head, my heart, my life is dedicated to work. Workaholic? Perhaps but not so much, I guess. When I have to stay a lil longer, I will. If not, no need lah. Work life balance? I think I'm doing quiet well on this. I'm still able to make the time for my family and hang out with friends. I would never say NO to any hang out session, if i can help it. :) See, I'm pretty good at this. Bahaha.
2014 teaches me to be a lil bit more selfish. I have learn to not care that much over a few things. When you care a lil bit too much, you get hurt too. & not every one cares about you. That's the reality of it. You've been too helpful. Did they say thank you? You've been so trustful, but in the end you don't think the other person has been that truthful to you as well. You tried to be the best accomodative team-mate, in the end their action makes you feel like you have been backstabbed somehow. You tried to be nice, some people words, hurts you. Life is not fair, that we know. 2014 teaches me to care just enough about people, I guess. Be nice to others still, but knows your limit.
I cannot run from the "Bila nak kahwin?" question still. Haha. As much as I tried to stop them from asking, I know they won't. Perhaps they worry... or perhaps they're just being busybody je. Ohwell. Whatever. In 2014, I learn to make do with what I have. I don't have "that someone" but I have myself. & with myself, i learn to make me happy in whatever i do. For now lah. Perhaps, when the times come for me to be happy with someone else, then I will lah.
Even Ayah has been asking about this sebenarnya. Dia suruh kahwin tahun depan. I lol-ed. Kalau ada jodoh, adalah kot. Hahaha. It's not like I don't want to but I have not found that person. & that person has not found me yet. FYI, I'm not hiding from anyone. ha-ha-ha. Again, this jodoh thing, is not something under my control. Don't tell me "Awak tu memilih sangat" , "Entah-entah orang nak kat awak, awak yang jual mahal atau tak ready." OMG. Seriously shit, don't tell me that. Don't assume you know me that well yea. So, bila ada... adalah ye. :)
2014 gave me the chance to travel as well. & i discovered (and not surprised) that I LOVE TRAVELLING~! Though I hate packing and unpacking. Bahaha.
March - Road Trip Taiping
April - Beijing
June - Road Trip Penang
September - Bintulu (Emmi's wed)
November - Road Trip Fraser Hill
November - Singapore (work related, half a day je pun. haha)
December - Road Trip down south (PJ - Malacca - Johor - Singapore - PD - KL - PJ)
December - Kota Bahru (only day trip, supposedly a 3 days trip, cut short due to the flood in Kelantan)
December - Road Trip to Hat Yai
Bought flight ticket to Labuan if I'm not mistaken in early 2014 but I woke up late and missed the flight. Major LOL. =.=" That was supposed to be one of my random trip. & randomly i missed my flight. I'm looking forward to travel more in 2015. At the moment, only Vietnam is planned. Ada rezeki kita travel lagi. :)
That pretty much sum up the highlights of my 2014. It has been pretty good personally. Although not so much to the nation. Hoping that 2015 would be a blessed year, full of happiness, great health and more wealth to all of us and also to the nation as well. Amin. Have faith people. :)
2014 - A year of growth.
2015 - ?
lots of love,
Posted at 10:55 pm by jmunawwarah
Wednesday, December 03, 2014
Blog, aku rasa nak membebel. Cuba kau dengarkan.
Aku tak faham macam mana diorang fikir sebenarnya. Diorang nak retrofit office. Haa baguslah tu. It's about time diorang make sure semua orang ada tempat masing-masing. Dengan retrofitting, diorang decide untuk "Ok, mari kita make sure, team international dengan team domestic duduk satu level." Alright, it can be done. Tapi diorang lupa, satu department tu berapa orang agaknya. Kalau dah dua department duduk selevel, muat ke satu floor? Mestilah tak kan.
Dan macam team domestic, ada satu team je ke? Durh. Banyak dowh. Ada 4 main team. Dan dalam setiap team ada banyak jugak smaller team. Katalah, satu small team, consist of 5 people (1 senior engineer, 1 engineer, 3 supporting engineer), kalau setiap main team ade 3-4 projects, tidakkah jumlah keseluruhan pekerja team domestic menjadi 80 orang minimum. So bila dah campur dengan department lain, dah berapa orang weyh. Aiseh.
Kemudian bila diorang tersedar, "alamak, tak muat! so apa yang perlu kita buat ni?". Muncullah idea bernas untuk mengumpulkan semua supporting engineer (engineer in training) ke satu level yang lain. Kalau level yang lain je aku boleh terima lagi kot. Tapi bukan.. kami disuruh pindah ke tower yang berbeza pulak tu. Mygod. Kenapaaaa? (jeritan tak puas hati) Sigh. Mentang-mentanglah kitorang ni bukan main engineer, dicampakkan kitorang jauh nun di sana.
Aku sedarlah aku ni belum full certified engineer lagi. Selagi tak amik exam, macam ni lah kehidupannya. Cuma aku rasa tak efektif buat macam ni. It's not only about kitorang di campak jauh dari team, it's also about the effectiveness in working in general. Mari aku tuliskan apa point aku sebenarnya:
1. Bekerja dalam team memerlukan semua ahli untuk sentiasa berkomunikasi.Bila nak buat kerja, yang boleh kau buat sorang, kau buatlah. Yang mana kena ada discussion atau guidance, kau perlu untuk communicate dengan mereka yang jauh berpengalaman. Memang kau boleh je nak discuss through email dan chat. Tapi sejauh mana efektifnya email dan chat tu? Kan lebih senang bila discuss face to face. Boleh tanya directly, dapat jawapan pun cepat. Decision making pun lebih senang dibuat. Di samping itu, dapatlah jugak build up team work bila bekerja seiring.
Tapi sekarang ni, bila dah pisahkan team duduk jauh dari each other, tak ke susah nanti. Nak discuss, kene pergi tower sebelah. Jalan dari satu tower ke satu tower pun dah makan masa. Habis discuss, balik ke tower sebelah. Jalan lagi, habiskan masa lagi. Katalah tiba-tiba projek banyak masalah, berapa banyak kali nak ulang-alik tu. Dah berjalan jauh, penat pulak. Mesti nak rehat kejap sebelum sambung kerja. Ah, sudah... Berapa banyak masa yang akan dihabiskan hanya untuk travel dari satu tower ke satu tower tu? Berapa banyak masa yang kita betul-betul gunakan untuk bekerja? Masa Induction dulu, selalu diingatkan TIME IS MONEY. So berapa juta sudah kita habiskan untuk bergerak, tuan-tuan?
Aku just rasa, tak effective lah cara macam ni. As much as kitorang yang belum full certified engineer ni tak de lah banyak mana contribute in terms of technical, tapi benda-benda seperti surveillance and monitoring, administration, dan benda-benda yang orang lain tak nak buat tu, kitorang lah yang buat kan. So ade lah jugak contribution walaupun percentage dia maybe seciput je. Bila kena campak jauh-jauh ni, kadang-kadang rasa you don't belong to the team pun ade jugak sebenarnya. & for me, that matters the most. It's like if you're not part of the team, why should you contribute?
2. As a new engineer (2 years is not that new eh?), I feel the need to be close to my team. To know how things work, to always be aware of what's going on, to learn from the knowledgeable and highly experienced engineers and yes to grow. Being around different people with different background and way of thinking does help your growth. You could improved your soft skills on how to communicate with certain people effectively, you learn how to do works properly and you will learn to adapt with the environment. As for myself, I'm observing them and how they work as well. So you take the goods, and the bads, you improvise.
Let us be with our team. Not only for our own good, for the company's benefits as well. We, as the future generation gonna over-populate the company in future. Therefore, let us learn from the experienced people so we could be as good and even better than them.
3. Aku rasa tak berapa bagus bila kumpulkan budak-budak baru together in one place. Since dah kata pun baru, kitorang semua adalah dari satu generasi yang sama. Makanya, pemikiran dan kelakuan ada persamaannya. Bila dikumpulkan semua ni bersama, it's like keeping our mindset to only think the same way. Tak berkembang kata orang. & we get too comfortable in our comfort gen-y society. Like i mention in the previous point, we need to grow. How do we grow? Put us in new challenging environment.
It's not only that, kegilaan kitorang hanya kekal dengan kitorang je. Boring~! Apa kata spread us around so we could cheer up the department yang full of serious people? We can make your life more colourful than now, tau.
Sebenarnya ada banyak lagi point yang otak aku bahaskan masa mandi tadi. Tapi memandangkan sekarang dah pukul 12.13 pagi dan i need to sleep, kita stop sampai di sini sahajalah. Sebenarnya jugak, aku dah cool down. Makanya, perasaan nak membebel pun dah drop down. Ha-ha.
Sebenarnya, aku patut study untuk quiz esok. Patut study pasal packer, sliding side door ape sume tu... but tadi sampai rumah pun dah 10.30pm. Mandi sambil bebel lagi, then bebel kat sini lagi... macam "eh eh dah pukul 12.15! kita patut tido~!" hehe. I'll look at the notes tomorrow. Pwomis. XD
Later. Take care and always be happy ya. <3
lots of bebel,
Posted at 10:07 pm by jmunawwarah
Sunday, November 30, 2014
kadang-kadang berbelah bagi. tak tau patut percaya 100% atau tepis saja apa yang kita dengar. kalau boleh, kita tak nak judge orang teruk sangat. kita rasa lebih elok kita berfikir baik pasal seseorang tu. tapi... kadang-kadang tak boleh jugak innocent sangat. takut kena pijak pulak. so mungkin, takat neutral adalah tempat yang sepatutnya kita berdiri.
kita tak tepis apa yang orang cakap pada kita. kita dengar, kita take note dan kita be careful. tapi kita jangan terus judge dan label orang tu seperti apa yang kita dengar. tak adil untuk orang tersebut. kasi peluang untuk berinteraksi dengan neutral. kita perhati. kita sentiasa on alert. percaya tapi bukan 100%. bukan apa, kita pun kena jaga diri sendiri. berdasarkan pengalaman lepas, tak seronok bila kita kena pijak. so always be careful.
apa yang dah di dengar memang tak berapa elok ceritanya. tapi itu dari versi orang yang bercakap. kita kena dengar dari sisi tuan punya badan jugak. mungkin ada salahnya dari tuan punya badan, mungkin juga tuan yang bercakap tersalah faham dan tersalah anggap juga. mungkin masalah sebenarnya adalah komunikasi yang tak berapa efektif. banyak kemungkinannya.
jadi sebagai orang yang berdiri di takat neutral, kita akan terus mengajar diri untuk tidak menghakimi orang hanya berdasarkan apa yang kita dengar saja. kita akan cuba tolong mana yang patut. semoga kita dapat membuktikan orang yang diperkatakan ini tak de lah teruk mana sebenarnya. dan semoga orang ini tidak akan menikam kita juga.
siapa kita untuk menghakimi manusia hanya kerana kesilapan yang mereka pernah lakukan? sempurnakah kita dari kesilapan?
stop judging. be kind. be forgiving. be helpful.
may Allah bless us all.
lots of love,
Posted at 03:33 pm by jmunawwarah
Wednesday, November 26, 2014
There were days when you feel so tired of work and wish you could take a super duper long break. I know I have been working for almost 2 years only... but i am entitle for that privilege to complain as well right?
No, i'm not complaining because i hate my job.
Perhaps, I like it too much that I become too committed that its tiring me out.
No, I'm not one of those supergirl / superboy at work.
Perhaps, I'm one of the invisible one if to compare to others.
It doesn't matter la weyh. I got other things to worry about or be happy about rather than being famous in the office. Haha.
You see, I'm trying to complete my task at the moment but here i am, writing things that does not matter... oh well. Let's call this warming up session. Bahaha. I feel the need to complete it tonight so that I could have a good night sleep. I wish my mind could take a break so that when I sleep I would dream of wonderful happy things rather than dreaming about the work that is yet to be completed.
Com'on lah otak, don't be that kiasu. We're not kiasu people. We love happy thoughts. So why not dream about going to the sea and enjoy the breeze, ride a boat and go snorkeling here and there... Or perhaps of exploring places we don't know... That is fun-er than work at the moment.
I'm looking forward for 2 weeks off in December. So let's just work hard and make sure everything done before that holiday so that we don't have to work while we go jalan-jalan? Ganbare Eira! There's nothing you cannot do... XD ahahaha #myselfconfidentoii
Later ok. Let's get back to work.
lots of love,
Posted at 08:10 pm by jmunawwarah
Thursday, November 13, 2014
I wish for you to always be happy
& always keep smiling.
I'll be happy for you, truly.
Watching from afar
It might hurts sometimes.
But I'll be fine.
I'm pretty strong when it comes to this.
Dear God, I hope you make me stronger.
I'll be fine.
Posted at 09:49 pm by jmunawwarah
Saturday, October 25, 2014
25, the age where weddings invite flooded your schedule
What are you guys up to for this weekend? Planning to go out? Or just lazying around the house, to be more specific... on the bed? Some weekend, I wish I could just stay in bed the whole day. That... could only happened if the parents are not at home though. Or else, I could imagine ayah screaming outside the bedroom to wake us up. That's pretty normal, ahaha.
However nowadays, i find my weekends full of attending weddings. Be it family or friends'. I'm not supposed to be that surprise though. It's the peak of being 25 years old. Most are getting married & I'll be the one who would usually attend it. If nothing is in the way, expect me to attend it.
At times, I do received several wedding invitation that is held on the same day and all in different location / states. & when it comes to that, I would need to choose which one to attend. It can get pretty tedious and confusing & makes me feel guilty of having to choose. On most cases, if its family vs friends, no questions asked, family wedding is the top priority. Sometimes, I would choose based on who invites me first. On other occasion, I would choose based on how close my relationship with the invitees and the location as well. It it comes to this, I sincerely apologized if I couldn't attend your wedding.
Attending weddings is a sign of being an adult. I guess, I have reached that stage of life cycle where people has found their life partner & it is time for them to settle down. It's a great news and worth to celebrate! Congrats people! I hope your marriage will be happy and blessed and say yes to producing future generation! *wink*
At one point of time, attending weddings gets a lil too depressing for me. Especially when it comes to family weddings. How your aunties and uncles get a lil too active asking that famous questions... you all knows the drills. & every single time, you need to prepare mentally for those moments. I would usually practice my answers for the questions (in ma head), I would practice my poker face and fake laugh, I would need to get my heart to become strong before I physically appears at the wedding. And after the wedding, I would need some me-time to de-stress all of it. It was that bad, previously.
But not anymore, I hope. Since lately, I'm in my "don't care, whatever" mode. Which is good, for me. I'm not stressed out nor do i feel like I'm being forced to attend the wedding. I'm genuinely happy for the couples and I do like gatherings, to be honest. Weddings, is just the best time and place for you to meet up with family and old friends. :)
& i do love the after-wedding activity as well. Hang out at a chosen place, catching up with your friends. It's comfortable and relaxing. Perhaps, this is what i need most weeks. To be able to socialize outside work, in a comfortable and fun environment. I rarely says no to any catching up activities lately. Ask me out and I'll say yes (if time & schedule permits).
Overall, yeah... weddings are pretty much on my list on most weekends. As much as it can be fun... I do wish I have other activities as well. Haha. Others as in other than sleep. I should travel or something. Perhaps get a boyfriend and plan a wedding. Bahaha. Nah... that will come when the time is right. At the moment, I'm just gonna enjoy my single life and do things in my bucket list.
Wish you guys a happy life. Let's be happy with all the little things that we have now, shall we?
lots of love,
Posted at 10:04 pm by jmunawwarah
Thursday, October 23, 2014
membebel pasal kerja adalah hobi kite
Aku selalu rasa otak aku suka membebel. Yang buat aku rasa nak menulis. Tapi timing dia... hish. Time tengah drive. Time tengah mandi. Time naik LRT. Bila dah tenang-tenang depan laptop, entah mana semua bebelan tu pergi. Tapi lately rasa mostly apa yang otak aku fikir is more to career stuffs. Kadang-kadang penat dengar. Tapi tu lah... valid la jugak apa dia fikir. Untuk masa depan kot.
Kadang-kadang rasa my attachment to the job, to the project, to the team is way too much. I should put a limit. Pagi-pagi bangun, tengok email. Baca morning report. Time dah start kerja tu okaylah, understandable. Petang balik while dalam kereta pun boleh pulak tengok2 email. Dah-dahlah tu Eira. Kalau weekend lagilah, memang time bangun pagi, tengah gegolek atas katil sambil mata tak betul2 bukak baca morning report. Sometimes aku rasa, I would do anything for the project. Tapi tu lah, we're not that knowledgeable as yet, so we could only helps on reporting stuff, getting signatures here and there, those kind of stuffs. Sometimes rasa tak cukup membantu... which makes me feel so guilty. & sepanjang perjalanan balik kerja, I would be caught up with that thoughts in mind. & get stressed out over nothing. orz.
& bila hari ni tengok dorang (engineer) busy cari barang. & i'm the only one yang tak rasa that kind of pressure... erm... rasa serba salah pulak. Tengok engineer macam stress / tired, i don't know how to help. Am i taking things too easily at this point of time? Sorry, if i'm not helping that much. I'm not sure how to help to be honest. & i don't like feeling this way... sigh.
& it worries me. Macam manalah nanti bila buat well sendiri. Mesti gelabah mak nenek kan. Dengan technical knowledge yang super limited, boleh ke nak buat well ni? Aku tau boleh je. Since engineer ada tuk supervise and guide. Tapi... sometimes i just feel so stupid you know. Like those basic things you're supposed to know, perhaps you do know but you're just not confident enough to explain it when people asked. It's pretty annoying. Get some confidence, Eira. You badly need it in future.
Perhaps apa yang aku worry adalah that small2 stuffs. Since basically, all i know is pretty general. Sebagai contoh, we know that we need casing after drilling. So all i would order is casing. I would definitely forget benda2 macam pup joint, or perhaps we need a crossover whatever tu. & of course, bila time operation, macam lah aku tau semua kan. haha. It's kinda obvious that we are still new though. So it would take time to get all this knowledge truly absorbed in our head. I do get it. But it's pretty annoying bila kau blur bila dengar conversation diorang ni. Mostly aku rasa i'm just annoyed with myself.
Perhaps, I'm being too hard on myself? Entahlah.
Sebenarnya, aku macam dah decide my future career path. My long term plan is i want to be Drilling Engineer macam Engineer #1, #2 and #3. Short term nye, bila habis ARD ni, pergi jadi assistant nightman dulu to get that operational knowledge. Then, lepas dah satisfied / tetibe terkawen ke, baru balik office. So far, nampak macam this plan is manageable for me. At the moment lah. It is subject to change jugak kan. We will see how it goes lah kot. Let's just hope for the best.
Aku personally tau, kau gelabah bila bab-bab teknikal ni. Apa kata bawak bertenang sikit. Aku tau jugak, kau takut buat silap. Tapi let's just remember that through every mistakes lah baru kita belajar dan ingat sampai bila-bila. So tolonglah jangan takut sangat. Dan perlu diingatkan kita ada engineer-engineer untuk guide kita nanti. So please, tanya banyak sikit soalan. Oh well, keep your positivity always. That could help us to survive.
Lots of love,
Posted at 10:52 pm by jmunawwarah
Wednesday, October 01, 2014
Selfish people should just sell fish
I had quite a good day until I received a message through whatsapp from my ex-peer that i had work with from end of last year until early of this year. That ruins my mood for the rest of the evening.
We're in the midst of preparing our Year End Performance Review (YEPR for short). & that means, we have to write in all the work we had done for this year. What pissed me off BIG TIME is how selfish this person can be. He wants to claim the work we had DONE TOGETHER - ALONE and he wants to "share" the claim on the work that I HAVE DONE ALONE. Truly, bullshit.
It's true that the NOOP that i have prepared had some planning stuffs which he has done the simulation / calculation / so on. But I am the one who compiled all that stuffs into one document and I am the one who go around both towers to get all the signature! Why can't I have the ownership of the NOOP and he can put all the simulations / calculation done on his part? That was my suggestion to him but he refused in the beginning.
Another thing that pissed me of BIG TIME again is how insensitive, bossy and annoying he is. WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TO BOSS / ORDER ME AROUND? WTF? If this is the first time he did that to me, I might forgive him you know. But this is not the first time this kind of things happened. It really did pissed me off. I was so mad that my body is shaking throughout our conversation in whatsapp.
I remembered previously he was supposed to do an audit while offshore, but he couldn't complete it during his hitch. Therefore, I was asked to complete the audit. & when i requested the document that he has started, he gave me an EMPTY sheets. & i had to do it from the beginning. That's not a problem. What pissed me off, when i submitted that documents to the office, he got the acknowledgement as well when truly I had done it on my own from scratch. Sigh.
There was time when we were doing a handover note to each other, he wrote me a long email for it. & the way he wrote it make it sounds like "Eira is not willing to do the job, therefore i need to write a long email and cc-ed to the boss and engineers with "words that is supposed to encouraged Eira to work harder." Damn you!
My handover notes to him usually is simple, straight-forward and no flowery words at all. Since his flowery handover notes cc-ed the boss and engineers, the handover notes i did after that I've include the boss and engineers as well. I'm quite glad i did that since the boss complimented my handover notes. \(^.^)/
& there was time we both had trainings on the same week but one of us must drop the training to go offshore, as per instruction by the boss. Easily, he asked me to drop mine because I'm a junior and I can go for training next year. Due to that, I have to cancel my training. The consequences? Our technical coach complained to my boss that I have not gone for ANY training which lead to the boss lecturing me to plan my training well when really, it was the boss who said that ONE of us MUST drop the training. ORZ.
To be honest, working with him makes me depressed most of the time. I truly hate being in the office at the same time with him. Thank God, we were on offshore rotation, therefore when i'm offshore, he would be in the office and vice versa. The thing is, while working together I do feel like the engineers would compare our capabilities. It's pretty normal that this comparing-thing happened. I'm fine by it, you know. But it doesn't feel good, when I heard the engineers' conversation that "he is good and i am not." It makes me feel down like I could never be better ever.
& therefore, i'm quite glad that when our project was over, our pairing is over. Truly, I don't feel comfortable working with him knowing that he would one day stabs my back in the future. Anyhow, I've managed to convinced him that all the work we have done, we would claim it together, even if the NOOP i had really done it alone at that point of time. It's okay, Eira. Let's just share everything and make it sounds fair for us.
I'm pretty calm now already. Thank goodness. Being all affected and disturbed won't be good to me. I just have kick out that negativity from him and bring in more positivity and spread love to the world like I always do.
May tomorrow be better and wonderful to us all.
lots of love,
Posted at 09:25 pm by jmunawwarah
Wednesday, September 24, 2014
Maaflah hari ni aku decide untuk merojakkan bahasa. Not good, i know. But mood sekarang tengah macam ni.
Of a successful mission.
Aku rasa my mission to get along with my engineer can be considered successful. Selepas 4 bulan dari post sebelum ini (somewhere in May 2014), we get along just fine now. Which is surprising and amusing and wow! Eira is simply awesome. I have successfully spread my charms. Bahaha. Confident sangat dah ni. But yeah, it's a good news anyway. *pat back*
Bila aku fikir balik 4-5 bulan yang lepas, macam tak percaya dah berjaya lepaskan diri dari awkward stage tu. It's like totally awkward yang aku tak paham kenapa macam tu. Like kau dapat tengok bertapa sopan dan awkward nye Eira bila bercakap dengan engineer. It's obvious how my tone change between talking to him and other friends / colleague. Well, memandangkan Eira memang seorang yang sopan (cough cough)... sekarang pun sopan la lagi, cuma lebih senang dan mesra untuk bercakap. BOLEH lah joke around or being sarcastic jugak. Which is truly simply amusing. Hahaha.
& aku ingat bertapa aku tak suka pegi office 4-5 bulan yang lepas. I'd rather be out of the office, attending training. I hate being in the office since there's no good communication between the team. We would always and i mean it always feel left out. Kalau ada meeting bukan dia nak ajak. Mungkinlah jugak dia fikir, kitorang tau ade meeting. So kalau nak datang, datang je la kan. Atau mungkin dia fikir, kalau kitorang pergi pun bukannya faham pun. I could understand that. Tapi... secara jujurnya, ada masanya aku macam "Should we go? Kita tak diajak ni... should we go?" and "Memanglah tak faham tapi it would be a good exposure for us.." That's what i think.
Sampai partner pernah cakap, "mungkin kita patut buat team building." LOL. Team building for the 3 of us. I used to think, maybe we should go out and eat together as a team and get to know each other. Then bila imagine the 3 of us kat meja makan, langsung tak bercakap... ahahah lupakanlah idea tersebut. To be frank, this communication break down affected us like BIG time. We got frustrated. I got a lil bit depressed staying in the office in that kind of environment. & i couldn't stop thinking what should i do to make this "team" work to my liking. (as you can see from my previous posts)
Sebab tu aku macam amused sekarang. I'm definitely happy now. I think this team is working quite well, i must say. Though, my partner in crime is no longer in the team... and i'm having a new partner as well. Welcome welcome new partner~!
I don't know what change. Have i done anything right? Not entirely sure. Perhaps it is TIME that helps to smooth things out. It took sometimes to break some people barrier right... Or maybe, I just decided to not care that much and just do my job as good as i can to gain his trust. Or.. maybe because i've decided to stopped being too shy and just talk to him. Or... perhaps he feels that awkwardness as well and work himself to be more approachable for us to just come to him. Haha. Optimistic aren't we? Doesn't matter lah kot. Yang penting, things have become better. & i'm so thankful.
We could still improved and make it thousands times better. Let's not just stop there and then, shall we?
Now that our communication have improved, I just need to teach myself not to become too attached to my current team.
I kind of realized that I could be quite attached to the people i'm working with. Like I'm super duper attached to my partner that the first week she moved to her next assignment, i got a lil too sad and not energetic. Tbh, i think i'm still attached to my partner. hahaha & now i think i'm quite attached to my engineer as well. Like i feel it's hard to leave the office temporarily... takut menyusahkan dia. Sedangkan ade je a few others ARD yang boleh tolong. & when i did leave the office, i get worried. Entah Eira, dia rasa dia penting agaknya dalam projek. Sedangkan tak je kot. Engineer boleh je kerja sorang aku rasa. Paling tidak pun, dia gelabah sambil pretend to be cool about it. HAHAHA.
In the end kan.. semua projek akan habis and everyone will move to their next project. & i'm not sure i'll be working with whom next. It's pretty interesting and it kinda force me to get out of my comfort zone and find a new one. But for the moment, can i just stay here for a little while longer?
Oh well. :) Things are good so far, i believe. Thank you Allah for this new "little family" you gave me. Let's hope everything will go smoothly and end smoothly. Go team! kehkehkeh.
lots of love (as always),
Posted at 11:03 pm by jmunawwarah
Wednesday, September 03, 2014
sebenarnya aku terasa sikit. we used to talked quite often sebelum ni. walaupun most of the time merepek je, but it's still fun to talk to you. tapi sekarang, habuk tak de. which is fine sebenarnya. tapi aku macam rindu sikit. that comfortable friendship yang buat aku tergolek jatuh. salah aku lah kot, tergolek cepat sangat. tapi aku je yang rasa, kau tak. jadi kenapa kita tak bercakap lagi sekarang?
kalau dulu, semuanya kau tanya aku. sedangkan kau boleh tanya mama sendiri. since apa yang kau tanya tak de kaitan dengan aku pun. tapi sekarang, we're talking about my thing through mama. mungkin salah aku jugak. sebab aku malas nak cakap dengan kau. bukan apa, setiap kali aku bertanya kau mesti macam main-main nak jawab and end up kita cakap pasal benda lain. so objektif aku tak tercapai. so aku suruh mama tanyakan.
okay, mungkin aku tipu jugak. aku suruh mama tanyakan sebab aku takut. i'm trying to stop what i feel. and it's not helping if we talked. so okaylah kan kau tak cakap dengan aku sekarang. since kau membantu objektif aku. but to be frankly honest, i miss that friendship. that comfortable friendship. but mungkin aku sorang je kot yang rasa comfortable tu dan kau tak. nak buat macam mana kan.
kadang-kadang aku rasa i feel too much. i should stop. let it go eira. people come and go. tak semua mereka yang datang are meant to stay. aku tahu tu. tapi kenapa aku harap kau stay. aku selalu harap kita boleh kawan macam biasa. what i feel should not bother you, seriously. aku tau kau tak available dah pun. so everything is fine. tapi mungkin we're not meant to be friends for long? mungkinlah kot.
kenapa kali ni rasa dia lain. aku terpaksa admit susah. kadang-kadang aku rasa i'm over you. aku tak fikir pun pasal kau lagi. tapi aku tau jugak kadang-kadang aku tipu. hahaha. perhaps, i'm over you but not over my feelings yet. entah. aku pun tak paham. ada je distraction lain sekarang sebenarnya. tapi aku tak rasa boleh dapat pun. so macam whatever lah. hahaha.
i hate this feeling of insecurities. it's disturbing. it's making me feel like crying for no reasons. i know i'm better than that. i am one strong lady, that i'm sure of. biarlah sorang sekarang, selagi kita mampu berdiri sendiri, we will kan. nanti bila aku jumpa orang yang aku percaya untuk lepaskan dan sambut aku, aku akan lepaskan. and i hope this person will be a strong one too. hahaha.
dah lah. mungkin patut stop. untuk orang berkenaan, aku happy untuk kau, seriously. keep on smiling and i'll be happy for you too.
Posted at 09:56 pm by jmunawwarah